Everything is getting hectic. This last year is going to be mad stressful. I am beginning to see the effects of reverse culture shock as well. I hardly know how to relate to people at school, I hardly know anyone well anymore, and my best friends are off on their exchange term now. Sad sad...

I felt sad today, because I looked into my past and remembered many unhappy things. I think I really need to conclude my past relationships, so that at least there is forgiveness and a clean slate. I hope there to be no more guessing and awkwardness on how I should act when I see them.

I called Titan, he really encouraged me. He was afraid he gave me too many opinions, but I think when I ask for his help, I won't get as defensive. It's true I never really dealt with all the bitterness I had, and really let go. I think God healed me over time, but I still need this real kind of conclusion to help me move on. I think I am finally ready to face this challenge. I pray that God will lead and give me the right chance at the right moment.

When I looked into my past, the one thing that frustrated me the most was: I asked for friendship when the guys chased me. They both told me they would be my friend forever. I wanted a friendship first, but they convinced me otherwise to start a relationship I was not ready for. In the end, they both could not live up to what they said. It almost seemed like it was just a thing to say to get the girl. It was my stupidity to ask for such, when I probably didnt even know what a real friendship meant either.

On a road of repair, healing and challenge, cuz its been 2 years. It must seem strange for me to do this so late, but it's better late than never.