Please read Previous Post before this one.
So after feeling kinda powerless yesterday... I realize something... It's not even supposed to be about ME. I read my Bible and calmed down a bit, remembering that life isn't really about who I can move out of their rooms to come out to see me and eat my cake. Sometimes I feel like when I ask, and people do what I want, I feel powerful. I am used to having people do things for me when I ask. =S Yesterday I felt powerless, but I think its a good thing, even though I didnt like the feeling. It isnt about my power, its about Gods power. And I felt his comfort. There was definately a difference between today and yesterday.
Today after my dinner with all the exchange students, it would have been possible to feel like a post-party drag. Almost all the exchange students came out, 23 people at one table. I always feel weird in big groups, because I like smaller cozy groups. But today, it was really cool, in that 'i dont know why' way. Usually on my birthday, I end up feeling awkward, either because I feel that some people did not have as great of a time at the party, or because I had pressure to make the arrangements work out. Today I didnt feel the pressure. I decided to shop a bit alone for a while, my bus ride home was by myself, and I didnt feel lonely. Jimmy and Patty said they would call me up later that night to come out, and so did Paul. Paul cancelled, but Jimmy and Patty came and we just lit SPARKLERS on the campus street as my birthday present. I didnt expect they would be so sweet. =)... Since I already had lunch with the church fellowship that afternoon. We felt like little kids waving the giant sparklers around. Today was a joyful day, compared to yesterday's happy day.
P.S thanks Gracie for saying you would've eaten my cake if I called you and drove it to you... =P
Maybe losing expectations (as Jason said) does help... in the sense that... If you leave things to God, and not worry, you'll feel more joy when unexpected things arise... rather that your own control over things...
So after feeling kinda powerless yesterday... I realize something... It's not even supposed to be about ME. I read my Bible and calmed down a bit, remembering that life isn't really about who I can move out of their rooms to come out to see me and eat my cake. Sometimes I feel like when I ask, and people do what I want, I feel powerful. I am used to having people do things for me when I ask. =S Yesterday I felt powerless, but I think its a good thing, even though I didnt like the feeling. It isnt about my power, its about Gods power. And I felt his comfort. There was definately a difference between today and yesterday.
Today after my dinner with all the exchange students, it would have been possible to feel like a post-party drag. Almost all the exchange students came out, 23 people at one table. I always feel weird in big groups, because I like smaller cozy groups. But today, it was really cool, in that 'i dont know why' way. Usually on my birthday, I end up feeling awkward, either because I feel that some people did not have as great of a time at the party, or because I had pressure to make the arrangements work out. Today I didnt feel the pressure. I decided to shop a bit alone for a while, my bus ride home was by myself, and I didnt feel lonely. Jimmy and Patty said they would call me up later that night to come out, and so did Paul. Paul cancelled, but Jimmy and Patty came and we just lit SPARKLERS on the campus street as my birthday present. I didnt expect they would be so sweet. =)... Since I already had lunch with the church fellowship that afternoon. We felt like little kids waving the giant sparklers around. Today was a joyful day, compared to yesterday's happy day.
P.S thanks Gracie for saying you would've eaten my cake if I called you and drove it to you... =P
Maybe losing expectations (as Jason said) does help... in the sense that... If you leave things to God, and not worry, you'll feel more joy when unexpected things arise... rather that your own control over things...
