Yesterday, went to CCF grad night. They de-initiated the grads with limbo, pushing a penny off the table with your nose and eating baby food fed by a blindfolded person (gross...vegetables beef and spagetti flavour). It felt warm to be at CCF, even though I had not been there for a while. They had Korean style prayer for the grads and the new committee, which involved laying hands and praying corporately outloud. Reminds me of how in Taiwan, the church would pray out load together for all the churches prayer requests. =)

Today, went to graduation lunch... Yay free food and free grad vcd. It made me wonder if my time at school was wasted. *sigh* The years went by so quickly, such a blur. I wonder if I made any impact on others. Also, I realize I only have Asian friends, except Ryan. Wonder what it would be like if I was really Canadian/whitewashed, instead of trapped in the middle... identity crisis... aiya...

So... just over a week until FINALS... ughs... still so many projects to do... then after a short rest... got CMA prep course starting April 28...for like 5 weekends full of studying and then start work June 5th... if all goes well... then Convocation on June 16th with Brother coming from HK to see... and CMA Entrance exam June 20 and 22... how do I always get myself into such busy situations?... if not for the Lord's strength, where would I be?

Bye Bye Europe Backpacking trip for now... wonder when I will be able to go?...

Friday... Learned about Contentment vs. Satisfaction with Dr. McRae... Contentment is an attitude... to accept the situation that God is given... but it does not mean you should be complacent...
then...went to Jason's fairwell party (but he told us plans changed and he will leave in the middle of March) I didnt get to sing much, and it was soooo expensive... oh wells...

Saturday... just watched Jason, Brian, Boon and Mike snowboard. It was Brian's first time... btu I didnt have my credit card and it was mad windy and no one wanted to go on the small hill with me... so I thought it would be better next time if girls came out too... so I would not need to take time out of the crazy guys fun... Also... it was expensive to rent and I had to get home quickly...

I actually didnt need to babysit kids with Alice today for the church workshop, cuz there were no kids... =P

So I was happy to relax a bit and get some work done...

I really want to try snowboarding next time... it seems safer... and I heard girls do better... due to a lower centre of gravity?... and its easier to stop and fall on the ground... so I dont have to worry about slidding into trees =P... haha...

Wah Wah =)

Miraculous!... well... something really encouraging from God happened.

This morning at breakfast, Dad told us something weird happened... Last night he pressed a few buttons to set his alarm clock for 7:30... then he slept and had a weird dream...The dream was about him and a couple looking for their missing daughter... and him on the elevator trying to help them, while a dark shadow passed him... and he went down... and then there was rain when the doors opened... suddenly *ring ring* the alarm went off... but the time was 5:50 am... my Dad woke up my Mom and told her his dream... just as he was finishing... my Mom's alarm went off... but it was an radio alarm... and it was a Christian message about John chapter 1... and so Dad listened to it... and when he told us the story... he went to look it up in the Bible...

To me... I feel happy because I know God is in control... and maybe he is proud that I spoke to my Dad... even though he has a hard heart... and God wants to encourage me about the power of his word... AHHHHHHHHHHH =) must read it more!! and not lose faith so easily...

=)

Sad Sad...
I really cant help but get into arguments with my Dad about God. I try to make him think about what he says... cuz I think that its better to challenge him, then to let him just think of his own misguided beliefs... I kinda knew this was coming, but I kinda wish it didnt. So he said it... he said he did not beleive, he said he thought everything was relative and nothing really matters... that he may feel just as happy in hell...

I tried to make him think about, why humans are different... and why we love... why we have a conscience...I guess all i wanted to get at was for him to admit he was not a christian... which would be better than being misguided to think that he was... but really was not... (or to give me, his daughter, false hope that he was changing whne he was just acting out of respect) so I got the sad sad reply from him, during the arguement... i cried... it made me really sad... but on the other hand... its good... because now he truly knows where he stands... but its sad sad... cuz.... I think God has been telling me that people do actually choose to deny him, even if they see he is God... to that moment when God is infront of you... people can still deny him... When I was young... I was very idealistic and just wanted God to save everyone, then everyone would be happy together.. that God should somehow force everyone to believe him... cuz it is for their own good... but today I realized... what is real love?... maybe it is to let go... when you have tried your best to spread the gospel to a specific person... and the person has adequate understanding of it... but chooses not to believe... then that is their choice... maybe God's love is greater than I had ever expected... that he would really let us choose... not just say you can choose... but then switch it up later... even if it hurts him like mad...

Random thoughts...

First day of work tomorrow... =) Yay!

Thinking about age... can I really overlook age difference?

Leo keeps warning me, that there are scary people out there that may want to cheat innocent girls like me... must be more cautious...

The Potter remolds the clay, even if the clay is not perfect, into something beautiful each time...

For those crazy people who say "God told me you should marry me." You can respond, "Well, God hasn't told me about that." hehehe

I got a part time job =) Starts Monday, hope I don't make any mistakes...

Interview on Friday, and I feel very nervous. It is so hard to get even one interview, I hope I do not screw it up, else I dont know where to get another interview.

At fellowship, the workshop on Gods will for our careers by Pastor Ted was really good. I kept on thinking that I was not trusting God when I took actions like calling recruiters instead of waiting for them, but I got some encouragement at the workshop. Conclusion, I will take action and see if God closes any doors, but always trusting that no matter what career path, as long as I have faith in Him, He will be able to use me for his plan. =)

I feel numb. School is no longer a fun place to be, probably because my best friends are away... This semester sucks. *sigh* The added pressure to find a job now doesn't help either. All of the uncertainty. Hermitting myself behind my books doesnt help either... this reminds me of how I believed that we should work hard and play hard, else where would there be motivation to work? Well... I guess I haven't been playing hard anymore, so I do not feel like working...

It's true that I have realized I cant really plan out my life, because God probably has other plans... Like with all the natural disasters, and uncertainties... it is probably a waste to time to worry over these little issues... but I still do... maybe I will laugh at myself later... maybe this is reverse culture shock... at its worst because my best friends are far away from me... my thoughts are everywhere...

On an high note... my parents are hilarious... they always talk about funny things and make me laugh... they remind me of kids sometimes... =) I want to be able to take care of them... they dont give me pressure about job search... but I give myself pressure... parents are getting old... I wish them to go have fun... *sigh*